My Peripheral Thoughts.

Ok.I must admit it feels very uncomfortable to start posting again.There are two reasons for this.
1)I feel a huge sense of guilt at not living upto the promise i made to myself about writing my experience of my religion and the culture i have grown up in.I felt intimidated by the task.Infact,come to think of it,i get intimidated way too often by too many things.At those times i get this impression of my being a small elf and the person/thing i am intimidated by to be a giant towering above me.And i squirm as they squirm in early cartoons.And i make a pleading kind of face.And when the visual fades off my head,i am no longer strong enough to fight back and stand my ground.so every time i wanted to come back and write in my blog,i saw a giant looming over me,and i felt like running.And apparently thats what i did.
2)I am a very irregular person.Add to that the fact,that i am limited in my inagination too.I dont have mighty fantastic things to say.And no matter how much i ignore the fact,at the back of y head,i always have this desire that people would stumble upon my blog.Read it.Be happy reading my words,as i am when i read blogs of other people i stumble upon.I feel so inspired by their creativity.And it often worries me that no one would be inspired by my creativity,for i know for sure i have very little of it.


Anyways,now that i have confessed my guilts,i feel lighter and ready to write a lot many things that have been going on in my head.

I must also,before beginning,admit that i am consciously allowing myself to copy Mark Haddon's style of narration.Rather the narration he used in The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night Time.

Now i said i am consciously allowing myself.Because the words are coming like that quite unintentiopnally.Or rather from the Sub-Conscious.Only i am allowing myself to write that way for i feel there's nothing wrong with aping someone's style.And then,i am not aping.I am naturally feeling inclined to write that way.Its simple,without unnecessary frills and i like it this way.And anyways,i am not a professional writer and i wont be sued by Mark Haddon.

I have a highly impressionable mind actually.I tend to adopt things so deep inside my mind that it starts affecting my way of living.It has its advantages and disadvantages.The advantages are quite obvious.When i read a very creatively written book,i end up adopting that style of writing myself.And thus,i appreciate the inner meaning of the book more.For i feel like the writer myself.Often there are some very impressionable character in books and movies who end up enering my subconscios.And i start behaving like them.Earlier i wasnt aware of it.But one day i read an interview (i dont remember whose) where the person described a particular school of acting(which i distinctly remembered just before trying to remember it ryt now..a russian name..Stalinsly?NO..for if it qwould have been stalinsky,it would have made a ping in my mind,but it didnt.Slavinsky??Well..i could have google it,but my net is very very slow.And i hate bringing a pause to my thoughts.I wonder if thinking continuoosly is called having a Stream of Consciousness.And now,i have gotten very further away from my main topic.
So this style of acting involves living the character for a few days or weeks to 'get in the skin' of the character.Now that gave me immense encouragement.for now when i get a strong impression in my mind of a character,i become aware of it.And i feel myself to be an actor living 'in the skin' of the character.And it gives me something very creative to do,and makes me very happy.(ofcourse,if its a jolly character,like Jeeves,or Tyler Durden or Al-Pacino from Scent of A Woman.) But even when it makes me feel sad,i enjoy the process of living another person's life for myself.

Presently i find myself thinking like Christopher does.Simple chunks of thoughts,coherently linked together.But i cant make myself feel absolutely like him,for he was Autistic and he underwent too much pain.Which i can go through but it would alarm people around me far too much.And i definitely dont want that.That is also a reason why i never actualy want to become an actor,for i am too self-conscious.I cant take people staring at me.Or doing anything that will bring me to their notice.Anything weird i mean.Though now that i am grown up and an Adult,i dont feel as self-conscious as i used to in my boyhood days.

Having said all the 'peripheral' thoughts of my mind,now i would like to devote myself to discuss the Central thought.But then,that would make it a very long blog.And though nobody reads it,if ever someone does,he/she would be too tired.So i think i would put that in my next entry.