My Experiments With Truth.

I have done it two times in a row now.And i must find a reason behind it.

I am good with thoughts.With words.In my head.How i observe them form..in a linear dynamic flow they appear from some unknown corners of my consciousness,and they materialize before me,invisible packets of ideas.And they flow,flow..getting more and more beautiful,more and more meaningful..profound..till they erupt in an explosion of color.Bliss.
I find myself confused if i am being whispered by a higher intelligence.Or is it another version of me.And what i wonder most of all is:Where does it all vanish as a new day begins?Why is it so difficult to keep oneself constantly inspired?

I again found myself alone when i needed my mind to function.Not that it didnt.But with jitters.And at all the wrong places.I told myself instantly:It happened becasue there was a reason behind it.Allah wants me to learn more.He isnt rewarding me with satisfaction because he thinks i ma not ready.The words i uttered ..am capable of much better,i have known much better versions of the answers i gave..and yet..i didnt,when it mattered the most.It cant be without a reason.

I see my life gradually turning into a battleground.I am changing and there is a very strong resistance.I am witnessing a daily clash between truth and falsehood in me.Today,i saw it wide open.From the eyes of a large group of people who were listening to me.I,awkward,ineloquent..spoke my heart out and realized,i dont believe myself in the first place.Not fully.

I was asked to describe myself.

My mind started toying with several ways accessible to it.Should it be wit dominating?Is my wit appreciable by others?Should plain speak do?I have too interesting a life to be summed up in a minute.BUt i am here with a purpose,aint i?Its supposed to be a game.Where you have to show you have it in you to make it as a good businessman. Do i have it in me?Oh yes,i do.But ofcourse, certain things have left an indelible mark on me.Certain beliefs of mine lay shattered now.HOw do i speak of my new found way of life,and tell them i mean to keep it this way?

Basically..i found myself struggling with the idea of honesty.Is that an escape?Can it be an easy way out?Its easy to be honest.Absolutely easy.Its like putting your arms down and taking a deep breath.There you are.YO wanna give up speaking lies,pretending.Its so easy.


Is that why its so underrated?